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Behaviour Therapy
Explore explanations, everyday questions and next steps connected with behaviour therapy.
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Signs & concerns
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Signs & concerns
When should I worry about defiance and saying no in my child?
Saying no, tantrums and testing limits are normal and healthy between 18 months and about 5 years — it is how a child learns independence. Seek a developmental check when defiance is intense and frequent for the age, lasts beyond about 6 months, happens across many settings, involves frequent aggression, or comes with delays in talking, play or social connection. This is a reason to look early, not a diagnosis — most strong-willed toddlers are simply doing their developmental job.
Read the answer AnswerWhen should I worry about difficulty sharing in my child?
Difficulty sharing is completely normal for children aged 2–5, who are only just learning that others have their own feelings and wants. Sharing develops gradually, usually settling between 3 and 5 years with gentle practice. A developmental check is wise only when trouble sharing comes with wider patterns — little interest in other children, very limited pretend play, frequent overwhelming meltdowns, or delays in talking and connecting. On its own, not sharing is a sign of a normal, growing child, not a worry.
Read the answer AnswerWhen should I worry about extreme shyness in my child?
Shyness is a normal temperament trait in children aged roughly 18 months to 7 years, and warming up slowly to new people or places is typical. Seek a developmental check when shyness is intense and persistent across many settings, causes real distress, includes consistent silence in certain places, or comes with delays in talking, connecting or play. These are reasons to assess early — not a diagnosis — because early support works best.
Read the answer AnswerWhen should I worry about head-banging in my child?
Head-banging between 6 months and 4 years is usually a normal self-soothing or settling behaviour that fades with age. Seek a developmental check if it causes injury, happens all day rather than at sleep times, is very hard to interrupt, or comes with delays in talking, eye contact, play or motor skills. A sudden episode with staring, stiffening or unresponsiveness needs a doctor promptly. This guides early support — it is not a diagnosis.
Read the answer AnswerWhen should I worry about my child hitting others?
Hitting others is very common and usually typical between 12 months and 5 years, when children have big feelings but few words. Seek a developmental check if the hitting is frequent, intense or harmful, doesn't ease with gentle coaching over a couple of months, happens across many settings, or comes with delays in talking, social connection or play. This is a reason to assess early — not a diagnosis — because early support works best.
Read the answer AnswerWhen should I worry about intense or unusual fears in my child?
Intense or unusual fears are very common in children aged 2–7 and usually ease with reassurance and time. Seek a gentle developmental check when a fear stops everyday life — sleep, school, eating, play or friendships — keeps going for weeks despite comfort, causes panic-like distress, or comes alongside delays in talking or social connection. This is a reason to observe early, not a diagnosis, because early support works best.
Read the answer AnswerWhen to Worry About Limited Eye Contact
Limited eye contact on its own is rarely a worry — babies and toddlers look away to self-soothe, concentrate or follow something more interesting. Seek a developmental check when limited eye contact is consistent across people and settings and travels with other differences: not responding to their name, few or no words for their age, not pointing or sharing, or little back-and-forth smiling. This is a reason to look closely, not a diagnosis, and early support works wonderfully at this age.
Read the answer AnswerWhen should I worry about low frustration tolerance in my child?
Low frustration tolerance — quick upsets, giving up or meltdowns when things don't go a child's way — is common and usually normal between 18 months and 6 years, as self-calming skills are still developing. Seek a developmental check if the upsets are far bigger or longer than for the same age, happen many times a day, involve harm, get in the way of play, sleep or friendships, or come with delays in talking, attention or social connection. This is a reason to assess early, not a diagnosis.
Read the answer AnswerWhen should I worry about meltdowns in my child?
Meltdowns are a normal part of early childhood, when feelings are big and self-regulation is still developing. Seek a developmental check when meltdowns are very frequent or intense, last a long time, cause self-injury or aggression, don't settle with usual comfort, carry on past the early years, or travel with delays in talking, social connection or sensory differences. These are reasons to assess early — not a diagnosis — because early support works best.
Read the answer AnswerWhen should I worry about my child's emotional development?
Strong feelings, tantrums and clinginess are normal parts of healthy emotional development. Seek a gentle developmental check when emotional struggles are intense, last weeks, get in the way of play, friendships, sleep or learning, don't ease as your child grows, or when your child seems flat and rarely seeks connection. These are reasons to assess early — not a diagnosis — because early support works best.
Read the answer AnswerWhen should I worry about my child's social development?
Social development grows gradually — from smiles and eye contact to pointing, sharing and playing with others. Seek a developmental check if, by the expected age, your child shows little eye contact or shared smiling, doesn't respond to their name, rarely points to share interest, shows little interest in other children, or loses social skills once present. This isn't a diagnosis — it's a reason to assess early, because early support works best.
Read the answer AnswerWhen should I worry about nightmares and night terrors in my child?
Occasional nightmares and night terrors are very common and usually normal in children aged 2 to 7, fading with time. Seek a gentle check if episodes are frequent, last weeks or months, frighten your child of bedtime, affect daytime mood, or involve stiffening, jerking or breathing pauses. Breathing pauses, loud snoring or seizure-like movements need prompt medical review. This is reassurance and reasons to assess — not a diagnosis.
Read the answer AnswerWhen should I worry about my child not playing with other children?
Between 2 and 3 years, most children play alongside other children (parallel play) rather than truly with them — this is normal. Cooperative play usually develops closer to 3–4 years. Seek a gentle developmental check if, by around 3, your child shows little interest in other children, doesn't watch or imitate them, or this comes with delays in talking, eye contact or pretend play. This is a reason to look early, not a diagnosis.
Read the answer AnswerWhen should I worry about my child running off in public?
Running off in public is common and usually typical between 18 months and 5 years, when children are impulsive and don't yet grasp danger. Seek a developmental check if the running is frequent, shows no safety awareness, is very hard to redirect, or comes with not responding to their name, few words, little eye contact, or not checking back to you. These are reasons to assess early — not a diagnosis — because impulse, communication and safety-awareness grow well with early support.
Read the answer AnswerWhen Should I Worry About Screen-Time Meltdowns?
Meltdowns when screen time ends are very common in children aged 2–7, because switching off a fast-rewarding screen is hard for a developing brain. Worry — and seek a gentle developmental check — when meltdowns are very severe or long, happen many times a day, won't settle without a screen, involve aggression or self-injury, or come with delays in talking, play or connecting. This is a reason to assess calmly, not a diagnosis.
Read the answer AnswerWhen should I worry about separation anxiety in my child?
Separation anxiety is a normal stage — it appears around 8 months, peaks between 10 and 18 months, and usually eases through the toddler and preschool years. Seek a gentle check when distress is severe, persists far beyond the expected age, worsens over time, or stops your child sleeping, eating, playing or attending nursery. This is a reason to assess calmly, not a diagnosis, because early reassurance and support work beautifully.
Read the answer AnswerWhen should I worry about my child's tantrums?
Tantrums in children aged about 1–4 years are a normal part of learning to handle big feelings before words keep up, peaking around age 2–3. Seek a developmental check if tantrums are very frequent or long, involve hurting self or others, can't be soothed, continue intensely past about age 5, or come with delays in talking, connecting or playing. This is a reason to assess early — not a diagnosis — because early support works best.
Read the answer AnswerWhen should I worry about throwing objects in my child?
Throwing objects is normal toddler exploration between 12 and 48 months — a way of learning cause-and-effect and testing limits. Seek a gentle developmental check if throwing is frequent, hard to redirect, aimed to hurt or causing injury, or comes alongside delays in talking, understanding or connecting with people. This is a reason to assess early, not a diagnosis, because early support works best.
Read the answer AnswerWhen should I worry that my 12–18 month old might have ADHD?
At 12–18 months ADHD cannot be diagnosed, and high energy or short attention is normal toddler behaviour. Rather than ADHD signs, watch milestones — connection, communication, play and movement. A general developmental check, not ADHD screening, is the right next step, and only a clinician can assess.
Read the answer AnswerWhen should I worry my 18–24-month-old has ADHD?
At 18–24 months, ADHD cannot yet be meaningfully identified — high energy and short attention are normal toddler behaviour. ADHD is reliably assessed only from around age 4–5. Channel any worry into a general developmental check, never a premature label. Only a clinician can assess.
Read the answer AnswerWhen should I worry that my 2-year-old might have ADHD?
At two, ADHD cannot be reliably diagnosed — high energy and short attention are normal toddler behaviour. ADHD becomes identifiable around age 4–5, when a persistent pattern shows across settings. If your child's overall development worries you, a general developmental check, not an ADHD label, is the right next step.
Read the answer AnswerWhen should I worry that my 3-to-6-month-old might have ADHD?
ADHD cannot be identified in a 3-to-6-month-old, and clinicians do not diagnose it this early — infant fidgetiness and short attention are normal. At this age, track ordinary milestones like smiling, babbling and head control instead, and route any general concern to a developmental check.
Read the answer AnswerADHD concern in a 3-year-old
At three, being busy, impulsive and easily distracted is usually normal — ADHD is rarely diagnosed reliably this young. Worry is a reason to observe and seek a general developmental check, not to label. Only a clinician can tell the difference.
Read the answer AnswerWhen should I worry my 4-year-old has ADHD?
At four, high energy and distractibility are usually typical. ADHD becomes a meaningful question only when behaviours are far more intense than peers, span home and preschool, last 6+ months and disrupt daily life. Worry is a reason to check, not a diagnosis — only a clinician can confirm it.
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